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I am sorry that I like blue cheese so much and now you are slowly getting tighter. In fact, not just blue cheese but all food. (That's another open letter) That goes to all my underwear actually, I am sorry that some of you are slowly getting tighter, but I don't want to start buying you in a bigger size. It is winter here now, and I am hibernating, so please stop judging me. In the summer we can work together again. Deal?Dear men's satin boxer shorts I purchased for $5 on a whim- I love you. You are so comfortable and if I had it my way, I would only wear you and a tank top in the summer, but apparently proper clothing is required in public. I will buy more pairs of you in the summer so I can wear you around the house. Thank you for not pressuring or judging me. Dear sexy red underwear- I am saving you for a special occasion, you and I both know what that is. I will throw you at a celebrity one day, I just can't decide between Stephen Colbert or Christoph Waltz. But one day I will. Slipping the ring on his finger she asked, "What do you say? Ilove you. Will Heather Love marry me?"The ring was spectacular and appeared to Heather to be so large it wasalmost ostentatious, yet Heather loved it immediately. Staring down atthe sparkling jewel on his ring finger, his heart melted as it signifiedthe love Ellen had for him. In that instant all his doubts and concernsvanished like a puff of smoke. He would be the best damn wife a womanever had.With tears of joy in his eyes Heather answered, "YES! I will! How sooncan we do it?" For convention's sake, I think it best to wait a while. I always wanteda June wedding. How about next June? That will make it appear that ourbonding is truly romantic and not just a rebound thing. During thecoming year I will have to be seen dating woman. Making it appear I amlooking for a female mate, eventually we will need to be seen dating eachother, then the announcement of our engagement will not be a surprise."In a more practical.
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